We found a house

So, about a month ago we found a house that we love. We are now in the process of buying it. I am signing the papers for the mortgage this weekend and we have inspections, a survey over the next few weeks and a closing date of August 13th. We will be fully moved in by September 1st. The house is cool, but the best thing about it is that we have a pond in our backyard! Its 2.35 acres and 1600+ square feet. Three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. It has a front porch and a fireplace and french doors off of the back. Next year we hope to build a deck with the help of my step-father Smitty. I'm very excited. I have wanted to buy a house for a very long time and we finally did it! :)

Depeche Mode goodness

A week ago, Santino and I told a trip to the local brick and mortar music store and bought four cds and a DVD: Depeche Mode - Sounds of the Universe, Pink Floyd - The Division Bell, Sonic Youth - Goo, Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures (Remastered Special Edition), and Inside Bjork documentary.

All of these albums (and the DVD) are amazing, but I wanted to log into today and share specifically how great the new Depeche Mode album is. They brought out some of their old synthesizer gear for it, which added a REALLY great touch, especially for an old fan like me.

Check out the track "Fragile Tension" which features some synthesizers that sound like they were used on classics albums like Some Great Reward and Black Celebration:



The lyrics to "Little Soul" followed by "Peace" put me in tears on the way to work this morning:







I highly recommend purchasingthis album if you like Depeche Mode!

EMDR Therapy this week

Last week I went to talk to my EMDR therapist about getting treatment for the many traumas that have occurred to me throughout my life. I have been diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from which I am increasingly suffering many psychological and physical symptoms as I get older. I have recently made the decision that I cannot go on and longer trying to repress and cope with these things by myself, and am going to invest the time and money into getting help. After much soul searching over the past couple of months, I have become aware of three "big" issues that I will be focusing on in the next few months.

Yesterday I had my first EMDR session to help me remember and process these things. It was very painful and made me feel very vulnerable to talk about some of things I talked about yesterday. I left the session feeling very icky, and that my therapist was judging me for what I confessed. I know that she wasn't and that I was just projecting my guilt onto her. Next week I am going to address this.

The cause of these feelings involved my sexual awakening when I was 15 and the string of events which led to being involved in an abusive relationship in my early to mid-twenties. At the root of it all I discovered the huge amount of guilt which led me to make choices which reflected my feelings of not deserving to be loved and to be made to suffer. These choices attracted a person into my life who mirrored these feelings back to me.

Although I escaped this relationship and now am involved with a very wonderful person who truly loves me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated, these memories are still with me and make it very hard to enjoy my life even to this day. I often have nightmares and have night terrors that this specific person is going to stalk me and break into my house at night and kill my husband and I. The reason I have these fears is because I was traumatized and threatened that this would happen at the end of our relationship when I was trying to get out.

I also discovered a connection between how observing my mother being abused by my father as a child and teenage caused me to subconsciously recreate the experience in my early adult life. Even though I broke the pattern, I still have a lot of clearing out to do.

More updates as they happen.

Sync 24, Signal Type, Silicon Scally new release

One of the artists who joined TechnoBass.net uploaded some new tracks on his profile and they are freaking awesome. They are on an upcoming release due out in June. I just wanted to share because they are some of my favorite new tracks coming out right now.


Find more music like this on TechnoBass.net

Starstruck

The other night, Santino called Keither Tucker from Aux 88 to talk to him about our upcoming trip to Detroit. He gave me the phone to talk to him. I was so starstruck! I have been admiring and listening to their music for like 13 years now, and it has inspired me so much. He said that they are going to throw a barbeque when we are there and we are invited. Yay!

I didn't really report this here but when I launched http://www/technobass.net they were really supportive and sent us a promo package with cds, t-shirts and autographed posters.

I hope I don't act like a total geek when I meet them in person.

With the purchase I made at the Adidas Store in Georgetown a month ago I got a $20 gift certificate, with which I am going to purchase this dress next weekend to wear in Detroit:



I am going to wear it with my new Adidas Superstars. :)

I Study Astrology

After being flamed and persectued on a messageboard for "believing in" astrology, I kind of went underground about the fact that I read about it a lot and generally observe my reality based on what I have learned from it.

I have decided to not be underground about it anymore. I study astrology!

I am not talking about the sun sign kind that is in newspapers or little scrolls you buy in the supermarket. I am talking about full on birthcharts with houses, aspects, progressions etc. Its so fascinating and rings so true for me. I observe its truth and see evidence that it is relevant every single day.

To Much Work, Too Little Time

I mentioned a while ago that I was going to convert this blog to Wordpress. Also, I have to redesign my portfolio website and finish my music artists website. Before I can do these things, though, I have to finish the artwork for the next FBI release (which is going to be a cd album) and finish redesigning the FBI website. I also need to finish an acupuncture website for my acupuncturist and implement the flash media player I wrote for someone else. I am also working on my album. UGHHH too much to do!

Thyroid update and future intentions

So, I switched to a brand of thyroid medicine called Armour Thyroid about two months ago. I am also taking Vitamin C and Vitamin B5 in addition to the vitamin d drops, fish oil, boswellia, and botanical treasures herbal supplements. My basal temperature has returned to normal (it was in the mid-97's when I was taking synthroid) and I have been keeping the weight off. Depression is still gone. I still get anxiety and have been on the verge of having a panic attack a couple of times but overall I am doing so much better. Last week I walked into an acupuncturist's office here in Charlottesville and a little old Chinese man came out. He had a huge wall filled with bottles of herbs behind him. I asked him if he could help me get off my my thyroid medication and cure my hypothyroidism and he said that he could. He told me to call my insurance company and find out what their deductible is, and told me his rates. He said that the treatment will involve coming to be treated by him (needles), taking some more herbs (he mention pine needle oil or something like that?), exercise, dietary changes, meditation, and mantra. He told me that it will take around 100 days for me to be cured.

I am planning on going to see him - and when I do I am going to stop taking mymedicine. I risk that my hypothyroid symptoms will come back, but I feel like I have to do this. I do not want to take thyroid medicine every day for the rest of my life. I have no choice.

I know that on a higher level I set up this illness so I can overcome it and that it is going to take a lot of inner strength. All of the doctors I have seen have told me that I will never be cured, and that I will have to take medication forever. I just cannot accept that. I know in the core of my being that my body has the ability to heal itself, and that there is no such thing as permanent damage.

Western medicine seems to not understand what really causes hypothyroidism, and therefore does not know what will cure it. Therefore, I am have to go somewhere else to get help. I am going to the East.

Detroit

Last week, Santino and I I booked our plane tickets to Detroit from May 21st through May 26th. We also pre-paid a booked a suite in Warren, MI and lined up a rental car. We are going to go exploring around Lake Huron, have dinner with Aux 88, go see Aux 88 perform live, meet some other friends in person for the first time (who run an electro label in Detroit) and Santino is going to spin at the Electrobounce afterparty on Sunday night. We might go to DEMF if we get the urge. Anthony Rother and Will Webb are playing there. I am so excited! This is going to be a dream come true. Detroit music has always been so influential to me.